New Afrika Shrine

A friend asked me about two weeks before I was due to leave Nigeria what I would do with the time I had left. I told him about my travel plans, but said that if at all possible my one wish would be to get to Femi’s shrine in Ikeja, Lagos.

If you would know anything about Nigerian or African music then you would have to have heard of Fela Kuti. An extremely popular musician who is credited as being the creator of afro-beat and equally well known as a political activist (declared his own State which was subsequently flattened by the Nigerian military), prolific womaniser (married 27 in one day) and marijuana smoker. Fela unfortunately died of an AIDS-related illness in 1997. But fortunately he has a son (Femi) who is equally (at least I think so) talented as a bandleader and musician.

A few years ago, Femi had a structure done up in Lagos to serve as a live music venue for Nigerian and other artists. Though quite notorious for more than just the music, I had wanted to go for ages and made quite an effort to get there before I left the country.

That weekend I had to travel to Lagos at short notice to confirm my flight details for my impending departure. Whilst at my friend’s house in the afternoon I expressed my great desire to visit the shrine since this would be my last opportunity. He was sceptical but we decided to make a few calls to people who might be able to take me. This was because the place is considered slightly rough, and besides which, no whitey should really be wandering the streets of Lagos at night. But ten phone calls later we could find no-one in town willing to do the job. It was only with our considerable wheeling and dealing (lies and manipulation really) we finally managed to get a group together.

So that night myself and three other blokes make our way to "the Shrine" via several danfos. Upon arriving the scene was very chilled and quite welcoming. On this, a Friday entry was just 100 Naira (AU$1) and I saw from the sign they have a similar, but longer concerts on Sundays and free rehearsals Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The Shrine is notorious for its open marijuana use by patrons and performers alike, so outside there were clouds of smoke and plenty of boys attempting to look their coolest. Inside there was a gigantic sign that proclaimed "Drugs are not allowed, signed the management" but at the same time even the performer Femi found time between playing the keyboard, saxophone and singing to keep puffing away. For some reason the police ignore all of this.

Inside I found it a bit like being in a giant Nigerian bar. The converted warehouse had no walls on the sides, a stage at the front and a bar at the back. Hanging from the edge of the roof and the pylons were numerous memorabilia of notable Africans and in particular Fela.

Femi has a band of about fifteen or so musicians including guitarists, drummers, a brass section, a keyboardist and singers. The singers were all finely dressed gals who kept the patrons attention mainly with their gyrating hips rather than their vocal talents. Furthermore, two raised platforms with mock cages on either side of the stage held another two dancing girls who changed after each song. Evidently this was because of the extreme effort these girls exerted with each tune. This made it very difficult to focus on Femi in the middle of the stage.

Evidently the Shrine makes its money from the drinks rather than the entry fees as it was a little much for Nigeria. But I did take palm wine out of a bottle which was a new experience. Contrary to popular opinion the place never really got rough and I had a pleasant evening before my companions calls to attend a nightclub left me with no choice but to leave.

Incidentally, that nightclub we visited afterwards was quite an experience too - my first nightclub visit in Nigeria. I actually sat down for the first thirty minutes spending most of that time trying to contain my laughter at the spectacle before me. Countless numbers of horny young men making their best efforts to dress up as their favourite rap artist and get close to the ladies left me thinking I was in the middle of a black American hip hop music video. Also amusing was the act itself, as the numerically inferior girl population attempted to avert the throng of thrusting male bodies and whispered suggestions. One particularly clever young lass I noticed did this by feigning disinterest, eventually letting the eager ones get close for a song or two, getting closer to then and whispering in their ear to buy them a drink, accepting said drink upon his return from the bar, before finally pretending she didn’t know said guy any more and waiting for her next victim.

I did eventually manage to get to my feet despite the fact that every pairs of eyes then followed my every awkward movement. As a boost to my ego a few locals complemented me and even better for me was the queue of eager young females who seemed to think that dancing with old whitey would be good fun or least a good story for the next morning.

All in all, a wonderful night and well worth all that effort.
P.S. Just glanced at the newspaper entertainment section and noticed Femi will be here in Australia in April playing at the Metro, the Enmore and a festival. Guess it won’t be hard to see him again though the ticket price will be about 60 times as much!

Hey I'm Back

Hey everyone. I didn’t die, I just left Nigeria. That’s why I haven’t been posting for a while. Actually I still have plenty to write as I have all these stories in mind but I never got around to writing them in that mad rush before I left. So over the next few weeks I will slowly put them up. The stories that I will put up now are four from my trip I made in the 10 days before I left Nigeria.

Abuja Round Two

I am not sure I could have wished for a more fun time in Abuja second time around. Unlike last time which was a mercy mission to avert deportation (okay I may have exaggerated that a little) I was there to relax and to enjoy. I made the trip with my good friend Ayo and his sister. When we got there we had a place to stay and time to roam. I think I had one of the best nights out in my whole time in Nigeria there courtesy of Tolu, the older brother of my friend Femi, who was in Abuja doing his NYSC year.

Tolu picked Ayo and myself up with two of his friends and a car. At first we headed to a pub for drinks but he changed his mind just before we got there and went for ice cream instead. After that we went to the pub for drinks. After that, we went to possibly the coolest eatery I've been to in Naija. It was the Abacha barracks. The name didn't sound too appealing (Abacha was probably the biggest bastard of a military dictator Nigeria’s ever had) but inside it was amazing.

This packed joint was basically a ring of open-air pubs and drinking tables, surrounding the central area which was various barbeques smoking assorted large meats and their speciality, whole cooked fish. For an amazing cheap price we gorged ourselves on two of these monster fish, with accompanying firebrand sauce, cabbage and potato chips. Of course drinks ensued thereafter. The environment was classically beer garden like, with glowing fires from the barbeques, chattering from the punters and the accompaniment of a few dodgy buskers. Most amusing was one fellow with a guitar who sang a horrible rendition of "Hotel California" before launching into "Jingle Bells" and other such classic hits.

After this we went for a pit stop at a friend's house. Regaining strength and sobriety we hit an up-market live music venue. This place was a two level open bar with a good supply of foreigners and good music. One singer after another, often with attractive dancing girls entertained us into the early hours of the morning. This would have continued till morning but one or two were tired. Myself and two others were planning to continue the festivities till dawn but unfortunately my companion, the one driving the car, had run out of cash and so we called it a night.

Might I add, all of this was paid for by Tolu. In other words, one brother of a friend of mine paid for most of the night out for four other people, including one he didn’t even know. If that isn’t the perfect example of generous Nigerian hospitality I don't know what is.

ICASA

One of the main reasons I was in Abuja at this specific time was to make a quick stop in to ICASA the biannual conference in Africa on HIV/AIDS. Its chief organiser was Femi Soyinka, father to my travel companion and friend Ayo.

Abuja is the natural location for most international conferences in Nigeria having great facilities and the seat of government. We visited the conference centre and had a reasonable time wandering around before becoming slightly bored and occupying our time with other pursuits.


What was more exciting was the Opening Ceremony, which we were to attend as special guests (or smuggled in as friends and family of the host). Thanks to the persistence of Ayo’s mother I believe, myself, Ayo and his brother, sister and cousin were able to enter the bullet-proof VIP box to view the ceremony. I would like to overstate the importance of this and highlight my unsubstantiated delight at being put in such a position. Ayo and myself took great pleasure in laughing at ourselves and everyone else in there for the fact that we were the youngest there and so clearly did not belong to this group of dignitaries and NGO big-shots. The security guard too seemed slightly annoyed at having to let us in, giving us the evil eye most of the time, quite probably thinking he should throw us out and let some more important people in.

Most disappointing was the non-attendance of celebrities that would have made my story an even bigger eye opener. On the official invitation and speakers list were both Kofi Annan and the Nigerian president Olusegun Obasanjo, but both failed to show. As did Bill Clinton, who the organiser told me might come but unofficially. I could have been sitting right next to these three people. Or maybe not. I suspect if they had showed up the countless security guards would have kicked us out in a flash.
But I did get to be served refreshments by attractive female youth corpers, muse over the relative baldness of the dignitaries sitting in front of us, watch colourful presentations and dances by various Nigerian tribal groups and an attempt at replicating the Durbar, a festival from Nigeria’s north involving horsemen. Oh and I could easily have forgotten, or should I say, wish I'd forgotten, the overly-long speeches by various dignitaries. Most amusing was when one of the two MCs mocked one of these overly long speeches as the speaker made his way from the podium back to the glass VIP box.

The East – Awka, Anambra State

I had a long-standing intention to travel to the East of Nigeria to experience a different side of the country, but unfortunately left it too late and had only this small opportunity in my final week.

My trip from Abuja to Awka was reasonably more comfortable as it was done in a shared taxi. To my mild amusement I finally met, in the form of another passenger a local who seemed to be suffering the kind of intestinal difficulties that have visited upon me so frequently during my stay. As such we had to stop the car every so often for him to relieve himself.

Arriving at Awka I was warmly greeted by one local who promptly informed me that he would "Chop my dollar". This is a classic reference in Naija but for you others I'll explain.

There is a popular myth, shattered by visitors to the country such as myself, that all white men (foreigners in general really) are rich. An extension of this would be to say they all carry lots of American dollars and they are to be taken advantage of. The particular quote this guy on the street used has been popularised in a song with the following lyrics. My translations of the pidgin bits are below.

Oyinbo man
I go chop your dollar
I go take your money disappear
419 is just a game
You are the loser
I am the winner
You be the mugu, I be the master

White man (Oyinbo)
I will take/eat (chop) your money (dollars)
Monetary fraud (419) is just a game
You be the gullible foreigner (mugu)

Luckily this chap was just being friendly and after a short bike ride I made it to Uju's house. Uju is a good friend I ran into at a few conference during my stay, firstly at WALDS.

Unfortunately I don't have many interesting tales to tell as I fell ill just after arrival and spent the next two days moping around wishing I didn't feel so bad (sorry again Uju for being such a miserable guest).

Something I did find amusing concerned some of the other inhabitants of Uju's household. She had there two cousins, boys of around 8-10 years old, who had been sent over from America. It seems to be a Nigerian tradition for parents who raise kids in UK or USA to send their kids back to Nigeria for a bit (or all) of their school years to either straighten them out or otherwise understand the Nigerian way of life and the language. In the case of these two boys it was to straighten them out. Speaking to one of them he seemed, after two years, still miserable about this transition to the simpler life. On a side note I managed to scare the little girl in the house for a day before she finally warmed up to me.

Walking around the town the night of my arrival we bumped into some other AIESECers. Whilst this was fairly nice, they proceeded to recruit me into going on AIESEC marketing meetings the next day as its rare they get a foreigner and trainee in town. Apparently this works wonders with the local companies. Pity for them I was sick the next day and they forgot to call anyway. Your loss folks!

Also walking around the market the next day, Uju and I had the pleasure of bearing the brunt of jokes from the local sellers. As she and I walked through the stalls all sorts of comments were being yelled out at us. Of course I could not understand what they were saying because it was all in the local language (Igbo) but I guessed correctly what they were saying. Uju, didn’t want to say at first, but I guessed correctly and she told me they were saying. This included such things as "make sure you get the bride price from him quickly", "make sure you hang on to that one darling" and other such comments intimating she'd made a good catch in his particular white man (more on the white men are all rich fantasy).

And on to the Delta

I left Awka, entered a bus to Onitsha, a place that acts as a big bus interchange for cities in the East of Nigeria. There I encountered a few touts that were a little aggressive and had to force my way through them in order to find a bus going to my next destination – Warri.

Warri is located in Delta state, the South-South geopolitical region and was well known to me at the time for two reasons. One is it is one of the major oil centres of the country. Several large oil companies have site there, most notably Shell. The other reason is that it was the centre of one of the most notorious tribal clashes in Nigeria’s recent history.

Anyways, at my stay in Warri I was thankfully hosted by another AIESEC friend (Linda) I met at the conference in Zaria. Staying with her family was highly enjoyable (more on that later).

My first impressions of Warri were that it seemed a lot smaller and quieter than I imagined. Everything I'd heard about Warri and the South-South big cities from Nigerians so far had generally been of a place full of crime and dangerous people and kidnapping of foreign oil workers (or perhaps those people like me who might be mistaken for oil workers).

I remember a particular story they had told me that you should not answer your phone in public places as you are likely to get a tap on your shoulder from one of the local area boys (Linda said they are nicknamed the "good guys"). They will then say you can finish your call, but to hand it over to them when you’ve finished. Though Linda was later to confirm that this story is actually true, and as a matter of fact point out the particular traffic intersections where it is particularly prominent, the place just didn’t feel so dangerous.

I said Warri is famous for its oil. The reason being the whole state is full of oil drilling sites including on land, throughout the river delta areas and out to sea. On a drive we took through the city we went briefly inside the Shell headquarters. The only other obviously visible sign was the big flame from a local refinery constantly burning on the horizon. From what I've heard, the oil companies aren't well liked because the state is full of pollution as a result of drilling and so too from places where locals have cut into pipes in order to siphon off the crude for a little personal profit.

Oil is actually one of the main contributors to the violence I mentioned. Warri is a bit different to places like Ife in that it is full of people from a variety of different tribal/language groups (Isoko, Itsekiris, Ijaw, Urhobo are the major ones but there are others). Without naming names (tribes), as I understand it some years ago these groups started to jostle for more share of the profits from the oil companies. Essentially they began to claim that a greater percentage of the land originally belonged to them and so they should be getting more of the profits. This led to some horrific crimes and violence. Different groups attacked each other at different times. The oil companies were driven away, the area was flooded with small arms and criminals ruled. My friend told me if you were from one tribe it was deadly to move to a different part of the city. She tells me she started using her English name, rather than the name of her language group, to avoid trouble.

All that said, things have settled down now. The tribal clashes have at least stopped as the government recognised it was missing out on profits whenever the trouble started up. But the puncturing of pipelines is a common occurrence often leading do deadly explosions. So to I read the following excerpts from a news article on the region today as I write this article.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4619566.stm

The four foreign oil workers kidnapped by Nigerian militants have told Reuters news agency they are in good health. The four - from the UK, US, Bulgaria and Honduras - were taken hostage by armed men on speedboats a week ago while in the Niger Delta region.

The kidnappings and explosion, the latest in a string of violent incidents in the troubled region, have slashed Shell's production there by some 220,000 barrels a day - almost 10% of Nigeria's average output of 2.6 million barrels.

One catering contractor died in the attack and ten Shell workers are being treated in a company hospital in Warri.

(Actually, I put the last quote in because I actually visited this place. Whilst pretending we entered the Shell facility to go to the club we actually attempted a short drive through the grounds. But we only got as far as that same hospital.)

Wetin You Dey Talk?

I just had to add a side story about language as concerns Warri.

Because Warri has all the different tribal groups it makes no sense for people to go around speaking these tribal languages in public. Chances are, the person you are asking how much the bread costs will simply not understand you. Therefore the common language used in Warri is Pidgin English (see earlier post for more explanation).

Warri pidgin is reputedly the truest and most slang form. I've heard a few Nigerians previously told me I haven't heard real pidgin until I've been to Warri.

Normally I only hear pidgin spoken by guys on campus at Ife when they get together. The girls might listen but always reply in regular English. Here in Warri it was a different story. Linda's family were all speaking pidgin to each other and I could only laugh.

I managed to write down a few gems and other useful phrases. My translations are approximate so no corrections you Nigerian ITKs out there.

Oyo State
- An acronym that means On Your Own. Oyo is also an actual state in the southwest of Nigeria. One of Linda’s sisters told me the teacher said in class "You have to do this exam Oyo state"

Wowo dey clap hand follow am
- You are so ugly that ugliness claps its hands as it follows you around to mock you

Eki na market
- When describing a person to say they are so pretty or desirable that they are very marketable to the opposite sex. This is in reference to a very popular local market where any produce you bring is likely to get sold.

Control me
- Call me. Not funny but very useful in Nigeria.

Denge, Yanga, Blow Guy
- All terms for someone who likes posing.

Last Stop, Benin

On the last leg of my trip I left Warri with Linda and headed to Benin. Benin is the capital city of Edo State which in between the southwest and southeastern states of Nigeria. It is said to be a significant cultural centre of the country, but unfortunately I didn’t have very long in Benin as I had to get back to Ife the next day for my farewells and to collect my luggage. So basically it was just one night I had there.

Linda and I met up with two other AIESECers and we headed out on the town preparing for a big night out. First we went to an outdoor live music place for a few drinks. Then we tried as hard as we could for the next 3 hours or so to hit the Benin clubbing scene with little success.

I'm generally not the clubbing type but thought it my duty to try it out and see what its like. Unfortunately the main market for clubs, the students, were not around in great numbers and were generally empty. We tried several which were all empty and most said they didn't really start till much later anyway (past our bedtime). So we spent the majority of the time sitting outside of places or driving to the next one.

Most amusing to me was description provided to me concerning the girls at the nightclubs. Despite the low turnouts, I was amazed by the number of seemingly plentiful scantily clad girls and no guys. I was informed though, they most of these girls were "on the runs". Apparently they will accompany any guy into the nightclub and later home, but on the clock and for the right price. It started to all make sense as my new friend told me how he couldn't spot one girl who wasn't belonging to this group.

Later a chief turned up. I know he was a chief because it was written on his numberplates. Not very inconspicuous. Actually first his machine-gun wielding bodyguards turned up in a brand new black 4WD to inspect the scene. Apparently the usual practice is done to acquire the chief a couple of girls for the night.

And thus our night ended early, but with some amusement courtesy of the local nightclub girls.